How to Tell Your Children you are separating…

While there is no script dictating the right way to tell your children that you’re separating from your partner aka their other parent, there are certain ways you can make this easier on them.

After all, your separation will have a profound impact on your child’s physical and psychological health, which may in turn influence their performance on an academic level. It’s up to you to make sure that this impact is not a negative one.

What Can Be Done?

Your main focus is to make sure that this news is not taken too negatively. Yes, your child will be upset, but they have to see that your separation isn’t based on conflict, but indifference or incompatibility. Any element of aggressiveness will only inflame their anxiety about the whole situation.

Know Your Decision

First things first, if you’ve made the decision to leave your partner or vice versa, make sure that it is final and not something that was made in the heat of the moment. If you change your mind down the road and go back on your word, your child will end up having trust issues regarding your decision-making skills.

Choose the Right Time

Don’t drop the bomb at bed time or when they’re getting ready to go to school. They have to be calm and relaxed enough when you tell them the news. Give them time to understand the severity of it, and try not to choose a location where they’re around people. This is a personal change and they need to have their privacy when handling it.

Tell them with Your Partner

This is a joint decision and should be talked about by both partners. Not only will this assure your children that you’re in this together and still care the same, it’ll also dispel any fears they have about any conflicts between the two of you.

Keep the Conversation Simple

Even if they’re smart and mature enough, your children are still quite young and might not understand the severity of the situation, or why you need a divorce. Explain clearly what the problem is and be honest. Tell them about the changes they may experience in their day-to-day life and what type of schedule (in case of joint custody) you will follow.

Be Firm When Telling them that It’s Not Their Fault

This is often a problem with younger children. They think that perhaps they’re the reason for their parent’s separation. Explain to them firmly that this is your decision and their actions (if any) have nothing to do with the divorce.

Do Not Blame

You will be tempted to push the blame on your partner. Don’t. Instead of making it about who did what, focus now on adjustment and show them that you’re there for them. Do not tell them about the details, at least not when they are young. Hearing about financial worries, arguments or extra-marital affairs will only cause more distrust and anxiety for your kids.

Need More Advice?

Wembley Solicitors presents advice and options on how to make your divorce or separation easier on you and your family.

Talk to us if you have any disputes or questions regarding the custody of your children. Make an appointment with a family law solicitor!